Malfoy Madness vol4
by Librarybeauty
Summary: In the fourth volume of the series, Hermione deals with her father's playboy bunny wife. Oneshot DMHG rated M. Max, Hermione and Draco's son is not to happy with his new G'ma.


Author's note: Thank you so much for those who review my one-shots

Author's note: Thank you so much for those who review my one-shots! It means a lot to me! Here's the next one…enjoy. This one is for the readers and those special individuals who review.

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**You know your getting old when….picking a big fight with your guy at midnight isn't nearly as gratifying as it once was. You want your beauty sleep! –Glamour magazine.**

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Swings the pendulum of fun. You swing back and forth and laugh away the funny feelings in your stomach…ahh the pleasures of being a child. For the mother's who are pushing however…things aren't so sweet.

"Why don't you just let Max hang out with your dad's new wife?" Ginny pushes her son.

Hermione is still raging mad and deadly quiet. Pushing her son continually as he sways back and forth laughing with Albus and laughing at Daisy.

Pansy eats her cinnamon bun as she pushes Daisy, "Trust me Hermione has good reason!"

"Why?" Ginny doesn't understand.

The raging mother finally blurts out, "Because she is younger then his real grandparents! It will take a lot of explanation! Not only to Max but to Draco's parents! What am I suppose to say? 'Hi, I know you wanted to take Max to diagon alley but my father wants to know if he can take Max to the zoo…oh yah and he is bringing along his playboy playmate wife who is may I mind you…seven years older then me'!"

Pansy is snickering and just thinking about that scenario makes her want to sell tickets, "Hermione I swear your life is never boring."

Ginny is confused, "What's playboy?" Of course with her being brought up in their world she isn't accustom to muggle things. The only reason Pansy knows is because Blaise is a fan of anything with naked chicks!

Hermione is still raging, "It's the muggle version of playwizard." She stops pushing her son now that he has got the hang of it and walks towards the bench.

Pansy and Ginny follow, Ginny speaks up first, "Just be upfront with them…they shouldn't have a problem I mean they have to share Max….they get him all the time."

Pansy snickers and looks at Ginny, "Have you met and I mean actually met Narcissa and Lucius?"

Hermione whines and puts her face in her hands, "I just don't want to tell them! Because then it gets into the whole 'what is wrong with your family?' conversation, then it gets into the whole 'your father's whore' conversation and then the famous and oh so popular, 'why is Hermione bashing her head against the table?' Conversation."

Ginny is disbelieving, "They can't be that bad…they are really that honest?"

Hermione nods, "My in-laws say what they want…when they want. They don't care about other peoples feelings and when it involves my son…they are brutal to any person who gets close to him."

Ginny shakes her head, "They can't be that bad."

Pansy starts laughing again with her smart-ass attitude, "No really they are…one time they told Blaise's mother to shut up…it was fabulous. The only time I've seen my monster-in-law keep her wide mouth closed."

Ginny starts to feel bad for Hermione. "Sorry…I wish I had some stories to tell but you know Harry's parents are…well…"

Hermione swallows a bite of her son's apple slices, "I mean…I'm not a bad mother! They know I don't let my son meet any of my father's girlfriends! But this one is his wife…his wife! The only reason he is around my mother and her husband is because, he is an adult and they have children together."

"How is Marlie doing by the way?" Pansy asks finishing her coffee and grabbing an apple slice.

Hermione grunts and wants to pull her hair out, "Pregnant and about to be divorced."

Ginny looks surprised, "Wow…um…what happened?"

"My sister climbed on top of a lawyer asshole dickwad and got pregnant. He won't take responsibility and the new intake of hormones apparently makes her think everything's going to be okay."

Pansy cracks up laughing, "Gods! I love you Hermione!"

Ginny looks back at her high hilled boots, "well…that must suck."

There are a few minutes of silence and the kids laughing in the quiet winter background…the woman sit and sip there coffee and look around with nothing to say.

Hermione nods solemnly and then out of the blue she smiles…an innocent smile, "By the way…I'm having a girl."

Pansy and Ginny squeal and the silence in broken.

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The woman was blonde, small and cheerleader happy. Funny how a girl so concerned about her weight and how she looked jumped at the thought of being a grandmother. Her name was Elle. She played dress-up with her herself by the looks of her appearance. She wore a Jackie Kennedy pink dress and her hair curled. High hills and gloves and a sunhat. She actually looked classy but next to Hermione's father she looked more like a daughter then a wife.

Hermione took a deep breath and was really not worried about Elle, just the fact that she wasn't how sure Max would take the liking to her. She walked up and smiled, "You must be Elle."

The blonde woman became ecstatic and hugged Hermione and then took a look at Max asleep on her shoulder and became happy….like Barbie happy. "Goodness is this Max?"

Hermione nodded not sure if she wanted to let this woman hold Max yet. She had no choice because the woman reached her arms out and moved her fingers as if to hand him over to her. Max stirred awake and looked at the masterpiece that is Elle and looked a bit weirded out or not so sure about this creature, "Who you?"

Elle let out a giggle and held him to her, which made him get the cutest angry face Hermione had ever seen, "I'm your new grandma! You can call me G'ma if you like!"

Her father looked at the three like it was all going according to his plan, "He likes you."

Hermione didn't know what crack her father was on, but Max didn't look pleased and he looked downright angry at his mother for handing him over to this woman and for waking him from his sleep, "Mummy, I want Mummy!" He reaches out to Hermione, so she grabs him.

Elle doesn't look bothered and lets out an annoying giggle, "He is darling, I hope his aunts and uncles look like Richard."

Hermione nearly lost her lunch at this; she looks at her father, "So dad…besides the Las Vegas wedding…how is life?"

Richard Granger smiled and looked at his daughter, "Everything is great." He pinches Elle's ass and then looks up at his disgusted daughter, "Life is fantastic!"

Hermione keeps her sarcastic comments to herself and holds her sleepy son, "Great…so how's the law-firm?"

Of course Elle would be the one to know this…she was after all his secretary before she became the new Mrs. Granger, "His firm is going great! He just got another celebrity client!"

Hermione nods still annoyed and looks at her father, "So you are going to take Max around the zoo?"

Max's eyes snap open and he clings to his mother, "Mummy! I don't want to go! I want to go to visit Grandma Emily and Pa-pa." He calls Derek pa-pa.

Richard rolls his eyes, he is a bit jealous of the fact his own grandson would rather spend time with his ex-wife and her husband of five years. "It will be fun buddy! You like monkeys…remember!"

Max almost starts crying like the spoiled brat he is, "I d-don't like monkeys I like Tigers…they eat peoples!"

Elle puts on a baby-face and says, "come on Maxy…don't you want to come with G'ma and get some ice cream?"

Damn she may be stupid, but all she had to do was offer Max a ice cream and he was all hers. He nods quietly and lets Elle take him from his mother, Hermione finally let's go and lets them walk ahead of her as her father talks to her.

"So what do you think?" He asks as his daughter texts someone on her iphone.

Hermione was going to be truthful like she always was with her father, also the fact that she was a Malfoy made her a bit prideful to her own opinion, "Were her shoes included in the box…or were they sold separately?"

He gives her a stern look, "Come on Mione…she isn't that bad. She is into music…and is a really good dancer. She likes to read and even is starting her own business."

Hermione laughs and in a sarcastic way she smiles, "Really music huh? Gold digger by Kanye West?"

He rolls his eyes, "Come on give her a chance." He nudges her, "Max seems to like her."

Hermione looks ahead to see Max eating a ice-cream and ignoring Elle…yep its official her father was on crack. Max was just using Elle for free ice-cream like the little Draco he was…but she wasn't going to say this to her father.

"Yeah…so she reads?" Hermione says sipping the smoothie she bought at the kiosk.

"Yeah…um Elle and Glamour and cosmopolitan." He says making them sound like important works of literature.

"Magazines?" Hermione takes a deep breath and sucks the strawberry froth to calm her nerves. She mutters, "Typical."

Her father leans back against the railing of the elephant exhibit, "So how's your mother doing?"

Hermione looks up and rolls her eyes, "Fine, she and Derek are remodeling and Marline is pregnant so they are gracing the fact of more grandchildren." Hermione watches Max shove the ice cream in Elle's bag without her even noticing. She would usually get up and scold him but for this…she would make an acception. She listened to her father blabbering on and on about how great Elle is.

"And…well I'm helping her get into Harvard," He goes on and on about the money he donated to the campus while Hermione ignores him and watches his new wife, reach into her purse and then screech. God she loved Max…and that was exactly the reason.

Her father looked to where Hermione was starring, "See they like each other. Look how thrilled he is." Max is starting to cry as Elle says a cuss word and wipes her hands from the sticky substance. Then tries to calm him down and looks nervously at Hermione for help, who pretends to be busy. (See if she wants children after this!)

Hermione laughed, "Yep…he is just fucking thrilled!"

Richard takes a deep breath, "Leave Max with us…we have it under control. Go pamper yourself! Go shopping! Do something you have the day off!"

Hermione wasn't sure if she should, she wasn't sure Max would like that. He was still crying and Elle was on her knees pleading with him to even asking and begging him if he wanted anything like the smoocher she is.

Hermione had a meeting anyway, plus how much harm could one hour with the bimbo do? "Sure…"

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T.J. the asshole himself sat looking at Hermione with a bit of surprise, "What are you doing here?"

Hermione stares at him with disbelieve, "Well I can't kick your ass….but I can hire someone."

"What did I do?"

"What did you do? You left my sister you dick!" she says yelling and ready to crucio him.

He looks confused, "People leave people…It happens."

"IN her condition? You let her leave like that?" she says grabbing a chair and shoving herself down and ready to fight this and argue like the Malfoy she was. After all she did learn from the best of the best.

"I…I didn't leave her. What do you mean condition?" he looks confused and concerned.

"She's pregnant…what do you mean you didn't leave her?"

He stand up and nearly spills his coffee, "What do you mean pregnant?"

Hermione grumbles, "She didn't tell you did she?"

He looks outraged, "She…just…she just kicked me out saying she hated me and that it wasn't going to work out and that bad mothers killed children and started freaking out!"

Hermione stands up and leads him to his chair, "T.J…I…I think she was talking about herself, it was nothing to do with you."

He sits there ruffling his hair and taking deep breaths, "How could this happen? I used a plastic gloval lubricated contraceptive device."

Hermione looks disgusted yet amazed, how he just doesn't say condom. "You really deserve my sister." God! They were both dorks! I mean she was dorky and smart but Draco kind of sexed her up a bit and got her to loosen up…T.J. and Marline were like two lab-rat lovers.

He took out his inhaler and began taking deep breaths, and hyperventilating. "She…she…has an embryo in her reproductive organs and it was fertilized by….by…my sperm?"

Hermione was way more disgusted now, "Look T.J. go talk to her…and tell her she won't be a bad mother. She doesn't hate you."

Hermione's phone rang after he calmed down and grabbed his jacket, "Hello?"

It was her father, "Now Mione don't over react…but we are at the hospital."

Hermione didn't over react at first, "Oh, did Barbie break her heel or something?"

Her father slowly and painfully doesn't want to tell her but then he does, "It's Max…"

Hermione nearly drops the phone.

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Author's note: You find out what happens in the next one…I love making you hang like this. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review. -ebony.


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